Exploitation

Chiming in on this Pop culture phenomenon.

Jon and Kate.... exploiting their kids, abandoning their marriage because they let fame and money get in the way. Disgusting. Even more so, because sadly it is the norm in this hedonistic self centered morally bankrupt nation. It as though it was never about the joy of having the kids for them, but rather it was their ticket to celebrity. I admit I had seen this show, before the fall-out, and back when the kids were toddlers and infants, when it perhaps wasn't quite as questionable as it now has become. I think the biggest issue with this is their apparent refusal to give up the show for the good of their kids. They already should have a ton of money but I suppose once you get a taste you just want more and more.

Related to the destruction and popular disregard of the importance of family.....This column with the subtitle "Is marriage obsolete?" caught my eye.
On marriage: Let’s call the whole thing off

Sandra Tsing Loh discusses her divorce and proceeds to try and make the case that in our modern life "marriage is obsolete". The interesting thing about her piece to me is that it is nothing more than personal weakness and a lack of communication that appears to result in the demise of her surprisingly lengthy 20 year union.

The entry to the article:
"Sadly, and to my horror, I am divorcing. This was a 20-year partnership. My husband is a good man, though he did travel 20 weeks a year for work. I am a 47-year-old woman whose commitment to monogamy, at the very end, came unglued. This turn of events was a surprise. I don’t generally even enjoy men; I had an entirely manageable life and planned to go to my grave taking with me, as I do most nights to my bed, a glass of merlot and a good book. Cataclysmically changed, I disclosed everything. We cried, we bewailed the fate of our children."

Also from her piece:
"Given my staggering working mother’s to-do list, I cannot take on yet another arduous home- and self-improvement project, that of rekindling our romance. Sobered by this failure as a mother — which is to say, my failure as a wife — I’ve since begun a journey of reading, thinking, and listening to what’s going on in other 21st-century American families. And along the way, I’ve begun to wonder, what with all the abject and swallowed misery: Why do we still insist on marriage? Sure, it made sense to agrarian families before 1900, when to farm the land, one needed two spouses, grandparents, and a raft of children. But now that we have white-collar work and washing machines, and our life expectancy has shot from 47 to 77, isn’t the idea of lifelong marriage obsolete?"

To Sandra Tsing Loh fixing her marriage... and by extension, her family is "a project" that apparently takes second place to writing about this very personal event very publically in order to advance her career....
Sandra Tsing Loh's need for in-the-moment pleasure was more important than the family she's created. Plain and simple. Her husband is admittedly a good man who perhaps could and should have been around more, but this apparently was not good enough for Sandra.

People shouldn't be treated as accessories. They aren't cars. They aren't drugs. It is inherent in our nature to want connection and companionship. It is also inherent in our nature to seek pleasure. One of these things offers instant cheap gratification. Another can last a lifetime. One is achieved easily. One is difficult. To me one seems more rewarding, but, alas, what do I know?

Sandra isn't marriage material, she's right about that. Hind sight is 20-20?

It seems to me (naive as I may be) that one of the primary problems is not just a lack of communication, compromise, and selflessness with couples, but it is just an issue of faith. Not the "I believe in paranormal bearded guy in the sky sort of faith", but rather faith in one's self, and faith in their partner. It seems that fear should be natural in marriage... and there is always the unknown, but I do feel that people really have become accustomed to the idea of marriage having a high likelihood of failure. If people feel they have a high likelihood of growing apart to the point of being irreconcilable... then what the hell is the point. The whole point of the union is to grow and adjust with each other... not to wake up with the "you've changed" epiphany. And the weird thing that people can often put differences due to money, or even simply boredom over an almost certain negative impact on their children... I've got to say I really don't get it. I guess its because I'm from one of those freakish anomalies where my parents are happy and love each other after 32 years together, despite many differences and changes in their lives. And I feel really sad for people who are convinced that this does not exist, and that people like my folks must obviously be living a lie. That is a pretty bleak world view... that may almost certainly doom a person to a level of unhappiness that may be tough to overcome, regardless of whether they keep it out in the open, or let it simmer beneath a steel exterior.

Examples of Wedding Vows.... that apparently go largely ignored by people, and sadly can seem to be nothing more than ceremony.

In sickness, I will nurse you back to health. In health, I will encourage you on your path. In sadness, I will help you to remember. In happiness, I will be there make to memories with you. In poverty, I will do all that I can to make our love rich. And in wealth, I will never let our love grow poor.

When you need someone to encourage you, I want it to be me. When you need a helping hand, I want it to be mine. When you long for someone to smile at, turn to me. When you have something to share, share it with me.

Though life may not always be as perfect as it is at this moment, I vow to always keep my love as pure as it is today. I promise to be there for you in your laughter and your tears, in your sickness and your health, in your comfort and your fears, in your poverty and your wealth. I know that our love is heaven sent, and I promise to be there for you for all your life, come what may.

I guess I think that too many people get married for all of the wrong reasons..... and I guess humanity really kind of pisses me off... and I guess, I generally prefer not to think too much about this kind of stuff because it is depressing. But I confess... it is inevitable.

8 kids.... who gets custody? Sheesh.....