The turbulance, the toil, and the radiance

It is a tired time, the rumble of the trains on the tracks, the scorch of tires on pavement, and the distant thunder of aircraft threaten to infiltrate my consciousness in manner that I don't quite understand. The weather is temperamental, fluctuating and surprising me with each change of the breeze. An angry child cries for attention in a crowd of adults. A man who's lost his way sits on the soiled granite curb. He grumbles at the preoccupied pedestrians recklessly rocketing forward to appointments of self inflated importance. These are just some of the multitude of whispering distractions tangled in the web of my thoughts.

One obstacle in life dissolves in the pools of our past while new ones crystallize and form an abrasive particulate in the fluids that feed our future. Our minds attempt to solve predicaments and make sense of the disarray. Through it all we struggle to hold on to this fast moving vehicle that is life with strained fingers, our muscles and minds trembling with the complexity of it all.

Some find a comfortable niche, a grove in the pavement, some tracks for their wheels to sit on. They proceed comfortably, complacently, and perhaps if they are lucky blissfully to that unknown destination at the end of the road.

Others may find roads but are too busy looking at a map to bother to look which path they actually are traveling on. For many, if not most people, there is enormous uncertainly propelling forward on these roads. We strive not to be over come by it, but try to be wary enough to take that next turn when we need to.

Traveling the journey that is life is difficult. It tries us at every turn. But I strive to remember how beautiful it all is, and how enthralling it can be. It is here for us, all of it. It is available for us to breathe in, to discover, to use, to consume and to love. Whether it is walking home in the glow of incandescent street lamps while listening to good music on my headset, or watching passengers light up like children as a playful dog joins us on a Subway car... these are the simple moments that we live for. This is the definition of greatness. It is exquisite beauty. The reality we exist in is a marvelous and intricate work of art.

These moments alone can for a moment make you forget about your problems. Make sure you get distracted by the beauty. I will make everything else seem bearable.

My past couple of days:

Work has been very tough lately. Too much to do and too little time. I'm managing to pull through this rocky patch, but I fear it will only get worse rather than better.

My Wednesday was wonderful as it always is, because I go see Kate, she cooks me supper and we talk about our weeks and a multitude of other topics. When dreamed of the warm weather and discussed in short possible plans to enjoy it. I have hints of spring fever sneaking out of my tired facade, however my brain is preoccupied with what pays the bills... and so we likely commiserated a lot about work. I already put in some time for vacation this summer. Hopefully it will get approved without a hitch.

Tonight I watched the debut of a new TV drama which was on ABC at 10:00. It is called October Road and co-stars Laura Prepon from that 70s show (the red head). I don't keep up with hour long dramas as a rule. I've never been a fan of the action shows, cop shows, lawyer shows, the hospital shows, and the list goes on. As a teenager I did love the X-files, probably because I find the paranormal fascinating. I watched Ed fairly frequently as well, because it reminded me of Northern Exposure. Anyway October Road showed promise, and actually was sort of in the vein of Ed but perhaps a little more believable, not that it doesn't have its share of absurd people. However, I find that in my mere 29 years shows that lack the "absurd" characters are more unrealistic, because in life the absurd is the norm.

The premise is a late 20s lead who is a writer who has spent the past 10 years living in NYC. He went backpacking in Europe and told his friends and family he'd return, but he never did. Save for a few rare phone calls he never even contacted home during the time period.

Reviews panned the show as unrealistic, but oddly I didn't really find it so, perhaps because I know people who barely ever contacted their home town once they left. I personally hated my home town so I can relate. I do love my family however, so that keeps me going back. The main character is self absorbed, which critics complained about. I've got wonder how certain people get to review things, because so many of them just seem to dim to get the point of what they are watching. Anyway, the premise of the show is the sort of "mid-late 20s crisis" the self reflection of people wanting to make meaning of the choices they've made. We are a generation of narcissists, sad but true, and self reflection is one of our favorite past times. This drama is commentary on that. Going back to the "don't take things for granted theme" and the "stop and smell the roses" and further more, "the world does not revolve around you". Yes the character is sort of a jerk, but he's guilty, he knows, and the suggestion is that he want to make up for lost time. Lastly great soundtrack that spans generations... much like the soundtrack to our lives, that alone adds a really nice touch. I've heard the writers were involved in the script for the Nick Hornby movie "High Fidelity", perhaps the soundtrack suggests an influence of prior work.