YOU CAN DO IT!

Some Interesting Gallup stats I swiped from CNN. I think Bush has got his work cut out for him. First off, W beat Clinton's high gallup marks after 911, and now he's tied with Clinton's low mark. Come on Georgie... Don't let us down, I'm sure you can think of some clever yet mostly harmless way to drive those #s down more. But hey if you want to go all out, chances are it might not be all that different than something Rumsfeld is already scheming up. I mean, you might as well try now, you do have your work cut out for you however, I mean Truman's 22%?! That's some infamy right there. Hell I mean outside of catching Bin Laden, I don't think there is a whole lot you could do to bring your numbers back up. Here's some ideas I'll float your way... and since they seem to be in the business of mucking things up I'll float them by Cheney's staff.

1) Propose legislation to euthanize all puppies that have two different colored eyes claiming that it is clearly a mark of the damned.
2) Launch a new (and improved) Attack on Iraq for the recent terrorist strikes on Jordan. Claim that you are fighting in the name of Allah and call it "Operation Dustbuster".
3) Suggest replacing George Washington's "outdated" picture on the dollar bill, with a picture of Jesus. Claim that the lord would want it this way so when you hand a single to a bum (yes that's right say bum, not homeless person), you can still be generous while still making him feel guilty. End your proposal with the advice that "The message of the lord is the most powerful when delivered with a healthy serving of inferiority". This comes with the unvoiced implication that the homeless are bad people rather than victims of mental illness. It goes well with the good/evil, black and white rhetoric... really its a no brainer.
4) Take up chewing tobacco, and normally where you would have those awkward yet endearing "Texan" speech pauses, take the time to spit.
5) Replace your press secretary Scott McClellan with a cheerleader dressed in a sexy red white and blue lone-star cowgirl outfit. When posed with difficult or depressing questions she uses time honored lines as "turn that frown upside down" and "Now lets not be a negative Nancy!".
6) Whatever the next position is that becomes available in your administration nominate a "cute" lady you know, "Harriet Miers".
7) End speeches by pumping your fists and yelling "Arriba!" "Arriba!"
8) Blame the high gas prices on Satan. Claim that global warming is occurring because of the presence of the devil in our children. Demand that God wants us to drill more oil because sticking the drills deep in the ground, is in fact stabbing and wounding hell, and that its the only way to weaken Lucifer.
9) Give out stretched Hummers in public White House lawn ceremonies to corporate executives that embody "The new spirit of America".
10) Rather than "waste" your, or your cabinent's time with visits to foreign lands start sending the free loading interns to earn their keep.

As promised the CNN list:

-Truman: 22% mid-February, 1952

-Eisenhower: 49% mid-July, 1960

-Kennedy: 56% mid-September, 1963

-Johnson: 35% early August, 1968

-Nixon: 24% mid-July, 1974, and early August, 1974

-Ford: 37% early January, 1975, and late March, 1975

-Carter: 28% late June, 1979

-Reagan: 35% late January, 1983

-George H.W. Bush: 29% late July, 1992

-Clinton: 37% early June, 1993

-George W. Bush: 37%* mid-November, 2005

Some of those numbers are just staggering aren't they?

Well, W, as I've said, we know YOU CAN DO IT. Lofty, or even shallow goals can be achieved if one sets their mind to it.