Tis the Season

I fell asleep in the middle of everything tonight... so as to not totally remove myself from duty, I will steal material for tonight's blog from other sources. (A time honored personal website/blog tradition, that for the most part I've tried to avoid)

If you don't want to read the stuff I've lifted I'll provide my usual commentary on news and odd tidbits at the end of this entry.

First one of my favorite holiday oriented Saturday Night Live sketches, I'm sure many of you love this one as much as I do.

A Holiday Wish
written by Steve Martin, performed on Saturday Night Live (1991)

Steve Martin: If I had one wish that I could wish this holiday season, it would be that all the children to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace. If I had two wishes I could make this holiday season, the first would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace. And the second would be for 30 million dollars a month to be given to me, tax-free in a Swiss bank account. You know, if I had three wishes I could make this holiday season, the first, of course, would be for all the children of the world to get together and sing, the second would be for the 30 million dollars every month to me, and the third would be for encompassing power over every living being in the entire universe. And if I had four wishes that I could make this holiday season, the first would be the crap about the kids definitely, the second would be for the 30 million, the third would be for all the power, and the fourth would be to set aside one month each year to have an extended 31-day orgasm, to be brought out slowly by Rosanna Arquette and that model Paulina-somebody, I can't think of her name. Of course my lovely wife can come too and she's behind me one hundred percent here, I guarantee it. Wait a minute, maybe the sex thing should be the first wish, so if I made that the first wish, because it could all go boom tomorrow, then what do you got, y'know? No, no, the kids, the kids singing would be great, that would be nice. But wait a minute, who am I kidding? They're not going to be able to get all those kids together. I mean, the logistics of the thing is impossible, more trouble than it's worth! So -- we reorganize! Here we go. First, the sex thing. We go with that. Second, the money. No, we got with the power second, then the money. And then the kids. Oh wait, oh jeez, I forgot about revenge against my enemies! Okay, I need revenge against all my enemies, they should die like pigs in hell! That would be my fourth wish. And, of course, my fifth wish would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace. Thank you everybody and Merry Christmas.

OK, next a coworker sent me the following forward today... I'm fairly certain I've seen it before, however as it speaks to both my interests in theology and science I must post it for all to enjoy:

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Toronto chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when its compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With Birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct... leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

This student received the only "A".

And below, In the news:

I saw this one yesterday actually. (wiping tears) I can't help but feel a little surge of pride for my home state over this one.

Live lingerie models have male shoppers 'Spellbound'

Here is some pretty scary extremism. Not to mention that it is highly illogical. Studies have shown that homosexuals trend towards being "hypermasculine" or having higher than average levels of testosterone. The prescribed treatment of United Arab Emirates, likely won't do too much accept accelerate body hair growth and balding, however it could actually contribute to increased sexual urges.

UAE: Hormone treatment for gay men

Additionally of interest, a letter to the "metro" Boston's free newspaper that I pick up on the subway, accused Bush's grandfather Prescott Bush of being a Nazi sympathizer and funder. Surprisingly of all of the things I've heard regarding the Bushes, this particular item has evaded me. It was a bit of an extremist assessment of W, calling him a fascist and evil, which, although I dislike his policies, I'm not quite sure either is an appropriate description. Anyway, I decided to "Google" Prescott to see what I could find. The following link is to a chapter of an unauthorized biography on George Bush.

http://www.tarpley.net/bush2.htm

If you link from the chapter (related to topic mentioned above) to the table of contents, it is rather evident from the title of each chapter, the opinion and the agenda that Tarpley and Chaitkin had in constructing this book. At the same time this chapter seems to mass evidence that much of the Walker/Bush fortune was acquired by business with a known enemy. Kind of hypocritical considering George H.W. Bush fought in WWII, and perhaps the reason more has not been made of these associations. I suppose they lived by that mantra "Its just business". My disagreement with such an ideal is perhaps one of many reasons I'll never be a billionaire :D. (Hmmmmm You're either with us or against us? The Patriot Act? Looks like W would have had Poppy (Prescott's nick name) sent to Guantanamo Bay if he was running the country back then.)

And in closing tonight here is an insiders take on the decision making process and ability within the Bush administration regarding the Iraq war. It sheds more light on Powell's exit from not only the administration, but essentially the public eye as well. I think it suggests some extreme conflict within the mind of one the United State's highest respected political figures of the past 20 years.

Ex-Powell aide: Bush 'too aloof'