My muscles still tingled and twiched from the exertion of what passes as 21st century leisure. I trudged in my dirty work clothes which I had hastily thrown on after a quick shower at the gym. The shuttle bus seemed longer than usual this evening. Perhaps it was the rain, perhaps it was that everyone seemed to be going to the end of the line, or maybe it was just my occasional impatience with the reality I persist in.
Impatience is an unusual thing. We spend our childhood being impatient about achieving that next big milestone. When will Christmas arrive? When will I get my first bicycle? When will the school year end? High school, your drivers license, college, and your 21st birthday. None of them seem to arrive soon enough. But then you reach that point, Its like the immense hill on a old fashioned wooden roller coaster. The trains clink along bringing you closer and closer to that titillating climax where everything will suddenly fall into place in a exhilarating moment. However when we reach that hilltop, when we are witness to reality, we tend to find a very gradual slope and the tracks stretch far into the distance leaving future thrills to our imagination.
If any of us were asked out right if we thought this little fantasy timeline had any base in rational thought, nearly all of us, save a few pampered or perhaps arrogant souls would thing "fat chance". Yet I think these blissful ideals persist festering in the back of our minds.
As we get older, our anticipation changes from those "events" and seems to be replaced by, When is it going to be lunch? When am I going to get to the end of this line so I call actually eat this food I just purchased?.... When is the end of the day going to get here? When the hell is the subway going to arrive? Why isn't the time going by quicker on this treadmill? When is the damn subway going to arrive? When am I getting off this God forsaken shuttle bus?
Bring us back... And so the bus stops and I hastily get out onto the wet sidewalk and notice the rain is intensifying right before my very eyes! And just in time for my walk home. I plodded along suffering slightly with each sopping wet step. The orange street lamps cast a glistening array over a glaze of water coating nearly everything in sight. Cars buzz by, and I walk as far from the road as I can without walking over one lawn after another. There are no teenage boys out tonight to shout obscenities at me, no joggers, no pedestrians what so ever. In the long line of meaningless, fruitless, pointless questions, I wonder "How long is it going to take me to get back to the apartment? Why is it taking so long? Why is it raining? When is the rain going to stop?"
And all of these questions make me realize....Impatience... friend or foe? Is is a way of dealing? Why am I asking more questions when pondering why we ask so many stupid questions?
I'm divided.
Impatience drives us. If we were never impatient, we would never get anywhere in life. We would never try to change an otherwise inefficient unsatisfactory environment. Also... what would I be thinking about if not stupid questions? Perhaps I would dwell upon negativity, because after all it is tragedy that seems to define our species, rather than the moments of triumph. And usually one person's triumph, always seems to be another's tragedy. And perhaps if I weren't spending ungodly amounts of time thinking about when the traffic signals will change... I'd be one sad and crazy stooge.
Impatience... it can also push us over the edge, perhaps if I wasn't using so much of my mind asking WHY in the hell? Perhaps if I could get around these questions I would put my brain to better use.
I think it all comes down to who you are. Stephen Hawking for example, had to push much of his impatience aside after being forced to live with Lou motor neurone disease disease. The result: an un-tethered mind, a genius. Granted he was one smart cookie to begin with, But... if he hadn't been given a death sentence, I think Hawking seems to be the first to admit that he would not have accomplished what he has to date.
For me, I need my impatience. It defines me, and I connect more with the "pros" of having it than I do with a life of no impatience leading to positive results. I do however, feel we need to, or at least I need to balance it out. If I could reduce the amount of time I spend wondering "Why" about silly things by, hmmm I don't know, lets say, 1/3, I think I would be a vastly improved human being.
And thus concludes tonight's random stream of consciousness.
Impatience is an unusual thing. We spend our childhood being impatient about achieving that next big milestone. When will Christmas arrive? When will I get my first bicycle? When will the school year end? High school, your drivers license, college, and your 21st birthday. None of them seem to arrive soon enough. But then you reach that point, Its like the immense hill on a old fashioned wooden roller coaster. The trains clink along bringing you closer and closer to that titillating climax where everything will suddenly fall into place in a exhilarating moment. However when we reach that hilltop, when we are witness to reality, we tend to find a very gradual slope and the tracks stretch far into the distance leaving future thrills to our imagination.
If any of us were asked out right if we thought this little fantasy timeline had any base in rational thought, nearly all of us, save a few pampered or perhaps arrogant souls would thing "fat chance". Yet I think these blissful ideals persist festering in the back of our minds.
As we get older, our anticipation changes from those "events" and seems to be replaced by, When is it going to be lunch? When am I going to get to the end of this line so I call actually eat this food I just purchased?.... When is the end of the day going to get here? When the hell is the subway going to arrive? Why isn't the time going by quicker on this treadmill? When is the damn subway going to arrive? When am I getting off this God forsaken shuttle bus?
Bring us back... And so the bus stops and I hastily get out onto the wet sidewalk and notice the rain is intensifying right before my very eyes! And just in time for my walk home. I plodded along suffering slightly with each sopping wet step. The orange street lamps cast a glistening array over a glaze of water coating nearly everything in sight. Cars buzz by, and I walk as far from the road as I can without walking over one lawn after another. There are no teenage boys out tonight to shout obscenities at me, no joggers, no pedestrians what so ever. In the long line of meaningless, fruitless, pointless questions, I wonder "How long is it going to take me to get back to the apartment? Why is it taking so long? Why is it raining? When is the rain going to stop?"
And all of these questions make me realize....Impatience... friend or foe? Is is a way of dealing? Why am I asking more questions when pondering why we ask so many stupid questions?
I'm divided.
Impatience drives us. If we were never impatient, we would never get anywhere in life. We would never try to change an otherwise inefficient unsatisfactory environment. Also... what would I be thinking about if not stupid questions? Perhaps I would dwell upon negativity, because after all it is tragedy that seems to define our species, rather than the moments of triumph. And usually one person's triumph, always seems to be another's tragedy. And perhaps if I weren't spending ungodly amounts of time thinking about when the traffic signals will change... I'd be one sad and crazy stooge.
Impatience... it can also push us over the edge, perhaps if I wasn't using so much of my mind asking WHY in the hell? Perhaps if I could get around these questions I would put my brain to better use.
I think it all comes down to who you are. Stephen Hawking for example, had to push much of his impatience aside after being forced to live with Lou motor neurone disease disease. The result: an un-tethered mind, a genius. Granted he was one smart cookie to begin with, But... if he hadn't been given a death sentence, I think Hawking seems to be the first to admit that he would not have accomplished what he has to date.
For me, I need my impatience. It defines me, and I connect more with the "pros" of having it than I do with a life of no impatience leading to positive results. I do however, feel we need to, or at least I need to balance it out. If I could reduce the amount of time I spend wondering "Why" about silly things by, hmmm I don't know, lets say, 1/3, I think I would be a vastly improved human being.
And thus concludes tonight's random stream of consciousness.
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