Gloomy Sundays.....

I feel strangely depressed. OK it isn’t really all that strange, I just have a bit of seasonal depression.

Today played out for me a lot like the days I had several years ago when I used to be living in Lowell. Well I didn’t have any middle aged Asian men try and solicit me for gay sex and trips to strip clubs, but it was “almost” like the days spent living in Lowell.

I woke up, late, not really wanting to get out of bed. I didn’t shower, instead, eventually around 1:00 pm I threw on a ball cap, sweater, and corduroys. Before doing anything of significance (or insignificance) I checked my email and scanned over the stories on CNN.com. I had no mail other than a couple of spam letters and some weekly crap I get from astrologers.com. I sat around a few minutes listening to the distant tick.. tick … of the clock on the kitchen wall, and the hollow drone of jet liner thousands of feet above, circling before arriving on the tarmac at Logan Airport. Eventually I decided to escape the noise of emptiness and I headed out for an afternoon drive.

My initial plan was to drive to Newbury Comics at Square One mall in Saugus. Upon arriving I realized that I had never returned a Blockbuster movie from last weekend. I drove back with the late fall sun flickering through the balding trees, and the car bounded along as though it was hurtling itself off a cliff like a lemming. A song played on the stereo and its lyrics and notes scuttled about the entrance to my mind never quite penetrating.

Upon turning into the Wyoming Station terminal parking lot and re-entering my apartment lot, I lightly cursed my negligence a couple of times. Luckily, I don’t believe there was a late fee as it was a weekly rental.

Video in hand I headed out to Stoneham to drop off the DVD.

After walking around in circles at Blockbuster to reassure myself that I would not have a late fee, I got back in the car. A Subaru was parked next to me, and three dogs inside barked excitedly at me as I seated myself. Once the door was shut, one of the dogs, the oldest, stopped barking. The other two continued until I started the car, and then they gave up their vocal assault.

I think a little part of me is like that old dog. I’ve sort of realized that all of the barking is sort of pointless, even though it may be fun, and it seems to give purpose to my life. Of course like the old dog, a part of me wants something that will get me to start barking incessantly again. You could see it in his eyes. It was the sort of look that said “Oh well…. Life goes on”. Also, much like the old dog, I occasionally drool uncontrollably.

Before leaving Stoneham I stopped at a “Fye” records which used to be a Strawberries. I literally walked in the door and right back out. I looked at the “top twenty sellers” and it was all a bunch of crap. Rap stars with short fuses and brainless bimbos whose music will be about as timeless as snowman that a child builds after a winter storm in Virginia. Nauseated, as I opened the exit door, I believe I even said “This place sucks…” loud enough so that the clerk, and two customers (an old guy looking for some Tony Bennet or something, and a kid with baggy wind pants and crooked hat, aspiring to a life of hate and laziness) could hear me.

I went to Newbury Comics finally, although I couldn’t bring myself to walk around for an hour in the store. I used to salivate at all of the great music that would be there. It was almost as if purchasing CDs would some how enlighten and expand me as a person, and that with every new listening experience I might be closer to some sort of imagined perfection.

Today I was feeling like it was all just a bunch of the same old crap with slightly different perspectives. The thought also crossed my mind that soon Newbury comics, and places like it probably won’t even exist. Hell, if Tower and Virgin records go down how can Newbury comics even hope to survive?!

Anyway I finally bought Arcade Fire, which I had been avoiding for a real lame excuse. I figured everybody likes it so it really can’t possibly be that good. It is pretty good. They are contemporaries of the Talking Heads, and perhaps expand upon a style popularized by Modest Mouse. Unlike Modest Mouse the music is much more layered and polished, and Arcade Fire seems to understand how to combine sounds and harmonies in a manner that builds a much more impressive sound. I also bought Pink Floyd’s “Piper at The Gates of Dawn”.

I next bought myself a small pizza and Buffalo wings at Dominos. (I don't really like the pizza at dominos, but the wings are great, I should have just got cheesy bread) I wolfed down all but two slices of pizza as I watched commentators talk about Iraq, Saddam, and the elections… oh yeah and the gay Christian Fundamentalist who just got fired from his gigantic tele-parish. At least there is occasionally some decent comedy in reality. (ahhh hypocrisy.)

As I write this…. I can hear people hollering in the apartment building across the way. By people, I mean one guy with more testosterone than he knows what to do with. A football game must be on, probably the Patriots. Too bad I don’t care. It would be a nice distraction from myself. Of course if I were watching the game I wouldn’t yell so three city blocks could hear me at 11:00 pm at a game of little significance to the season… I wouldn’t yell like we had just defeated foreign invaders and triumphed over evil. I wouldn’t yell like I had just won a million frigging dollars. As emotionally attached as I might become to a bunch of millionaire thugs with an 7th grade reading level, I’d like to think I'd have slightly better control of myself, and that I'd have an ounce of respect for my neighbors.

Perhaps tomorrow I will write about politics or something more interesting than a couple pages of me droning on about the meaninglessness of life.

HAPPY MONDAY :D Yeh, yipeee!!! Wooo Hooo HOOT HOOT HOOT!!!